Killing Yourself to Live



Everybody seems to think I'm lazy
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find there's no need…

Sleep seems to have become another victim of the modern corporate ethos, with sleep being eschewed as yet another unproductive (in)activity, distracting us from our goals. While time spent sleeping may seem like lost time, it’s actually buying you a lot more & better quality time. Working culture today and the competitiveness of the job market seems to have reduced most of us to wage slaves, but do we really have to live lives of servitude to earn a living? While it isn’t uncommon to read about VPs & Managers or CEOs relating (bragging) about how little time they have for sleep because of their hectic schedules, this really isn’t something to be proud of.

The findings from the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health in a study on the work and sleep habits of people should bring about an awakening. While this might be a poor choices of words, it’s interesting to note that according to the findings, we’re getting closer to being a nation of sleepwalking zombies, with up to a third of our working population getting less sleep than is required!

While employees may just be gears in the mighty corporate machine, an unhealthy workforce is an inefficient one, which is why corporations have begun to wise up to the importance of their employees’ health concerns in recent times. Sleep is both a health and safety issue, which is why the findings of the study conducted by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health were published in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. Sleep deprivation and the ensuing sleepiness is in fact a significant cause of road accidents and other accidents on the job, which can be particularly serious among workers who operate heavy machinery.

If you still need convincing, here are a few points to consider:

• Sleep is essential to rejuvenate and replenish not just your body, but your mind as well. A lack of sleep impacts energy levels as well as your learning ability and decision making capabilities.
• The effects of sleep deprivation can lead to dramatic weight gain, because of changes to your body’s metabolism, fluctuating hormone levels and various other factors.
• Falling asleep during the day might be funny in junior high, but it’s no laughing matter when you’re behind the wheel of a New York Cab or piloting a Boeing 747.
• Irritability, impatience and moodiness may not be much of a bother if you’re a solitary writer or a musician, but if you’re working with people or are teaching kids it severely diminishes your ability to perform.
• Sleep is possibly the best form of relaxation as it allows you to recuperate from the stress of your day, thereby helping to avert several serious mental health disorders like depression and other anxiety disorders.

City life today may be a far cry from the idyllic summers that John Lennon spent in the lush English countryside, but we do have a lot to learn from him. As Lennon pointed out, time spent being lazy can be time well spent! Lennon was what most would characterize as being lazy and unambitious, particularly in our age, where we barely have time to pick up a book but must be content with an ‘e-book’. Lennon was always laid back and easy going, loved his sleep and hated to be rushed. But his contribution not just to the Beatles and history of music, but to the world at large is undeniable. So don’t be afraid to kick back and relax! The lack of drive and motivation to toil on ceaselessly isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Maybe you’re just creative, or too intelligent to sell yourself to a corporation when you could, instead, be living a life that’s your own.

Maureen Cleave, who was a close friend to the Beatles, commented on Lennon, ‘He can sleep almost indefinitely, is probably the laziest person in England...’ to which Lennon countered 'Physically lazy. I don't mind writing or reading or watching or speaking, but sex is the only physical thing I can be bothered with any more.'

Sleep deprivation isn’t something that you should take lying down! Although it’s something that we are used to taking for granted, a little bit of common sense is all it takes to tell that sleep is absolutely essential for your health. Although we don’t completely understand all of the benefits of sleep, what we do know should be reason enough to ensure you get a good night’s sleep. Sleep plays a vital role in maintaining the various bodily processes, from your immune function and metabolism to cognitive abilities like learning and memory. Although the effects of sleep deprivation may not seem all that serious or urgent when you’re in your 20s, it does take its toll and increases your risk of obesity and eventually cardiovascular disease.

References:

1. Luckhaupt, S. E. (2012). Short sleep duration among workers - United States, 2010. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 61(16), 281-285.
2. Williamson, A.M. & Feyer, A.M. Moderate sleep deprivation produces impairments in cognitive and motor performance equivalent to legally prescribed levels of alcohol intoxication. Occupational and Environmental Medicine 2000, 57: 649-655.
3. Barnes, C. M. & Hollenbeck, J. R. (2009). Sleep deprivation and teams: Burning the midnight oil or playing with fire? Academy of Management Review, 34, 56-66.

Bizarre Beauty Treats

Would you be willing to scrub your face with pig meat and cover it in bird poop to look beautiful?? If there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to appease your vanity then you’d certainly love these outlandish beauty treatments. From greasing your hair with bull semen to lathering your face with bird droppings, there’s a lot you can do to get that starry glow!

Bird Poo (Nightingale Facial) – The porcelain skin geishas would willingly tell you their beauty secret if you were willing to believe them. Few people would be willing to slather on oscine feces, but if they did they would rediscover an ancient secret – bird poop had an enzyme, called guanine that smoothes skin and makes it radiant. Leave the tomatoes, papayas and lemons to stew in the cooking pot we have found a “superior” alternative! For aesthetic purposes, the poop of the common bird falls short but the regal nightingale wins special favor. Carefully sanitized with UV light and then crushed into a fine white powder, bird poop is deftly transformed into a creamy beauty treat. If you believe that bird poo is for the birds, you can just crush some fresh strawberries and yogurt and paint yourself beautiful at home!

Facekini Craze – Hot shorts and halter tops expose your skin to the brutish sun, and while some amount of exposure to sunlight is necessary, the line between enough and too much sunlight is quite fine. After all, you don’t want to look as tanned as a thanksgiving turkey! For the Chinese, pale skin is a sultry turn-on and by no means must it be lost to the brazen sun. In the town of Qingdao, China, women greet the beach sun with face masks and full length body suits. Cut open only at the eyes, nose and mouth, this facekini scrupulously covers the head, ears, and neck, so that nothing’s exposed to the ravenous sun. With a facekini you can bathe in the pool for as long as you want and go for sports matches without sun block. The guys will get used to it in time; after all, it’s not as if Mr. Right will bump into you at the beach! Even if he does show up, he’ll like you for your intellectual chatter and not just your flawless skin.

Spermine Facials – You are not being hailed into some shady massage parlor when you read the caption ‘Spermine Facial’ outside the salon! If, besides procreation, male semen could offer women something special, it would be the ability to make them look beautiful. It’s true! Semen has a component called ‘spermine’ which is known to have antioxidant properties. It protects skin collagen and muscle fiber, slowing down wrinkles. Spermine used for the relaxing facial is not exactly the swimming egg-heads you imagine… it is first synthesized in a laboratory. Some salons use infrared along with the spermine, so that it penetrates your skin pores and promotes skin vitality.

Bull Semen – Your hair’s full of protein and so is bull semen! It took Britain’s top salon, Hari’s, just a little ingenious thinking to put the two together for an exciting hair treatment. To enliven your dry locks and add volume to your skimpy hair, bull semen works just fine! This ‘Viagra for Hair’ is a 45-minute treatment in which a paste of bull sperm and protein-rich Katera plant is applied to dry hair. Unlike most products that require shampooing after application, this hair mix is left to stay in your hair, so that it moisturizes it soft. It’s extremely light on the hair, so you don’t feel any kind of heaviness on account of the product. If bull semen for hair is a little too outlandish for you, then try conditioning your tresses with some frothy beer or yogurt.